The Way I Feel

Your banter was barbed
Your loving was scarred
The beginning was hard
And it only got harder

But the passion was quick
Your touch electric
An antiseptic
For which I would barter

All that you lacked
Patch every crack
My soul still intact
‘Cause it was never on offer

How could I know
That your breakneck would slow?
That your secrets would flow?
That you’d keep getting softer and softer?

It seems that I stowed
Everything that was real
Under camera and code
And iron and steel
I’ve forgotten how to get through
To the way I should feel about you

Your sorrow was silk
Your kisses were milk
You said ‘we’re of the same ilk’
And I stifled a smile

My hand on your skirt
Your friends all alert
The way that I’d flirt
Wasn’t their style

My excuses were weak
Your face wet and sleek
You didn’t make me speak
And for that I was grateful

You held me real tight
You didn’t want to fight
You asked to stay the night
And that made me hateful and spiteful

It seems that I buried
Everything that was true
With the 5am ferry
And the sunrise view
The midnight revelations
With the ingenue
The wild expectations,
The ‘I love you’
And I don’t know how to undo
The way I can’t feel about you

The old fear returned
The lessons never learned
Mementos never burned
Memories like daggers

I lied through my teeth
Swallowed my grief
Tested your belief
And drank ‘till I staggered and staggered